Brian Luff writes…

What the hell are you supposed to do with the Bit Between Christmas and the New Year? You’re too tired and hungover to carry on with whatever it was you were doing before the festivities, and at the same time you’re too grumpy and cynical to start anything resembling a new project. Added to that, you have the usual gothic dread of New Years Eve.

If you haven’t been invited to a New Years Eve party you feel suicidally isolated and paranoid. If you have been invited to a New Years Eve party, chances are, you probably don’t really want to go anyway. This is because last year you made an total tit of yourself and threw up into the kous kous. Then you spent half of New Years Day sitting in a hospital queue waiting for an impromptu chlamydia test or a free dose of emergency day after contraception.

Worst case scenario is that your next door neighbours will have a party and not invite you. So you’ll once again have to sit watching Jools Holland and listening through wafer thin walls to them and about two hundred of their friends screaming at the top of their stupid voices as they guzzle Tesco’s Finest Cava and let off indoor fireworks.

For years, scientists have been trying to find the perfect vacuum. I’ve just found it. It’s called the Bit Between Christmas and New Year.

The Bit Between Christmas and New Year
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